See you later

It took a minute.. A severe gap in time before I realized you were gone. Thoughts of you rush through my mind and its surreal… The way you vanished. I always thought there’d be more… More days, more nights, more love… More life. How can I be so blind to not love you till the last breath you survived. The last pray you knelt for. The last hope of goodbye… Gone. I always believed in see you laters… I guess now that’s all I have… The see you later till I meet you in heaven.

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The other day I watched its a wonderful life and heard Zuzu say… “Everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings” and so I smiled thinking perhaps… Just maybe… That might be true. So I closed my eyes and left the world in silence. Trying to listen for a bell… A ring… A chime… And alas in time I heard the sound. But, not a bell more like a pound. A thumping beat… My heart breaking maybe… At yet another defeat. Or is it defeat even?That you’re now in paradise as I remain here in the hidden strain of corruption and forbidden. Lost to a world eluded and full of taint. Where I prefer to fade in the darkness of night instead day. So I can find my dreams and nightmares all the same…

Why?

How often do we wake wishing, hoping to be loved. To find that one soul that knows yours as well as their own. To breathe and feel the perfect essence of their true love. Why do we allow this hope to consume us? To make us suffer? Why can’t we just look within ourselves and seek our own content with the reflection staring back at us… Why are we so fucked up that the only way… The only time… The only peace we truly get is left to that one wish, that one hope… That one breath. 

powerful yearning

I think it flows perfectly! Love it💕

the grey room

there’s a longing for you
that my body holds on to
it wormed its way around
and i can’t seem to pull it out.
it fills me up with desperation
an urge that borders on obsession.
you lurk in my dreams
and play in my fantasies.
you still stroke the fires
that house my darkest desires.
worst of all, you have my heart.
tattered and torn apart
the remnants of an story
with an unhappy ending.

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Background

I’m the kinda woman that wants to be heard not seen…hidden in the background for all that gleems…in my own world…circle and dreams… I prefer being hidden… Blessed as a memory both beautiful and forbidden… I want to be the words you read when your lost and need… Just a glimpse of hope… Heed… Every syllable to see though you don’t know me… Im the one you read… And believe… You’re never alone in what life seems

Roar

Somehow I look at myself and see a girl lost… Confused and torn… Her heart broken… Her soul worn… Scorned… Shredded and shriveled to pieces because she allowed him into her demons… And instead he laughed… Breaking her spirit… Making her ask… Is she worth it? Her soul now ash… From the singed pieces… Debris… Captured by the wind…Fleed… To nothing… A memory… That’s all she’d be… Until she could see… She is me… A reflection… Of a woman… Not a girl… Not lost… Not confused… Or torn… Perhaps scored and fuck yes… She’s worn but know… She’s strong… She’s a lioness and now its her time to roar

bad news

Stunning

the grey room

saw your number
on my phone
when it rang
didn’t think to answer it
already heard the news
didn’t want it to be true
left my phone where it lay
poured a shot of whiskey
grabbed the bottle instead
the burn hit my throat
loosened my limbs
set my mind at ease
relief, just for a night
exactly what i needed

saw the icon
on my phone
when the bottle was done
a little 2 in the corner
two tries and you were gone
relief turned to tears
someone poisoned my drink
cause I’m sliding into misery
where calmness once reigned
i want something stronger
a pill or potion to numb this pain
but there’s nothing but me
and my loneliness to get
through the rest of this day

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