I often feel invisible, like a ghost. An imagination of what was had, a fantasy. Maybe… A fucking nightmare. I feel empty most days. Oblivious to the world. Meeting with my demons… As my escape… As my embrace. Its funny how alone I feel some days. Watching the race of life pass me as I stand still. Times that once mattered… Moments that no longer exist. I wonder sometimes… In the hidden places of faded memories. Drifting my mind to a time when it all made sense… Till reality sets in and there’s nothing again.
Why do we say thank you when someone says they’re sorry for your loss? Is it a courtesy… Perhaps a welcoming of sorts. Knowing they’re concern for you is evident in they’re words. The sincerity of their hearts…. #Thoughts
It took a minute.. A severe gap in time before I realized you were gone. Thoughts of you rush through my mind and its surreal… The way you vanished. I always thought there’d be more… More days, more nights, more love… More life. How can I be so blind to not love you till the last breath you survived. The last pray you knelt for. The last hope of goodbye… Gone. I always believed in see you laters… I guess now that’s all I have… The see you later till I meet you in heaven.
The other day I watched its a wonderful life and heard Zuzu say… “Everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings” and so I smiled thinking perhaps… Just maybe… That might be true. So I closed my eyes and left the world in silence. Trying to listen for a bell… A ring… A chime… And alas in time I heard the sound. But, not a bell more like a pound. A thumping beat… My heart breaking maybe… At yet another defeat. Or is it defeat even?That you’re now in paradise as I remain here in the hidden strain of corruption and forbidden. Lost to a world eluded and full of taint. Where I prefer to fade in the darkness of night instead day. So I can find my dreams and nightmares all the same…
How often do we wake wishing, hoping to be loved. To find that one soul that knows yours as well as their own. To breathe and feel the perfect essence of their true love. Why do we allow this hope to consume us? To make us suffer? Why can’t we just look within ourselves and seek our own content with the reflection staring back at us… Why are we so fucked up that the only way… The only time… The only peace we truly get is left to that one wish, that one hope… That one breath.
I’m the kinda woman that wants to be heard not seen…hidden in the background for all that gleems…in my own world…circle and dreams… I prefer being hidden… Blessed as a memory both beautiful and forbidden… I want to be the words you read when your lost and need… Just a glimpse of hope… Heed… Every syllable to see though you don’t know me… Im the one you read… And believe… You’re never alone in what life seems